Islamic Divorce in North America

As Muslims, we attempt to live our lives in accordance with Islamic guidelines. Often times, what we eat, wear, and our daily schedules are influenced by our religious beliefs.Join up para for some reason it won't! These choices become natural, and we may even forget their original meaning, but nevertheless they are a part of who we are. For example, many Muslim women including myself, no matter how religious we consider ourselves to be, the decision to be married by an Imam who will perform the Nikkah in accordance with Islamic principles, is an “obvious” one. Whether or not I would seek the guidance of an imam for marital problems is something I have never really thought about until last year, when I began working as a research assistant to Dr. Julie Macfarlane, a professor at the University of Windsor Law School.

I have been assisting Dr. Macfarlane on her current research project on Islamic family procedures, especially divorce (funded for three years, 2006/9). Her goal is to explore the procedures involved when Muslim people seek a divorce in Islam. This research is not concerned with evaluating whether sharia law is a "good or bad" thing – rather Professor Macfarlane's aim is to enlarge peoples knowledge and understanding of the images of justice and fairness that emerge for Muslim men and women in the process of Islamic family dispute resolution.

Together, we are collecting empiri ca l research by interviewing Imams, Muslim men and woman who have sought divorce, and also individuals who are actively involved in working with the Muslim community such as social workers and lawyers. The questions that we are interested in learning more about are somewhat different for each group in order to allow for their various perspectives on Islamic family procedures. But generally they are designed to seek a better understanding of the following questions:

What is distinctive about Islamic beliefs and practices regarding marriage?
Why do some Muslim men and women prefer Islamic processes over any other approach to resolving marital differences?
How do the principles of Islamic law affect approaches to marital conflict and divorce in the Muslim communities?
How do these processes work, and why are they so important to the Muslim communities?

Initially reaching divorcees (or as we ca ll them, "participants") was not easy. The difficulty is partially due to the sensitive nature of the topic of divorce. The topic of
divorce is a sensitive one be ca use of the cultural forces that color divorce negatively. As a result, to some, the subject of divorce is “taboo” in nature. This negative stigmatization of divorce in Muslim communities is a strictly cultural one be ca use divorce under given circusmtamces has been permitted in Islam since the 7th century. Nonetheless, the cultural force remains strong as many Muslims are hesitant to speak about it. This along with the fact that divorce is always a difficult time may deter divorced individuals from speaking about their experiences. However, , with the help of members of the Muslim community – and hopefully through this article - we are reaching participants who are wiling to participate in the research . Our goal this year is to reach many more divorcees in order to hear their stories and understand their choice of an Islamic process. We hope their their experiences will help to inform others and for mon-Muslims, to enable them to better understand these choices.

The research will continue until 2009, but we have already learned many interesting things as a result of the (approximately 85) interviews conducted so far. We are learning that there are a number of related reasons why it is important and meaningful for Muslim men and woman who are seeking a divorce to be advised on the relevant principles of Islamic law. The following comment from an imam is typi ca l "Some people are not religious, but when it comes to certain practices people want a religious Islamic solution". One participant in his attempt to answer this question stated “ “The best way to explain this is to explain what it means to be a Muslim. This is my life. Everything I do is according to what God tells us to do in the Koran. It was common sense to me to go the imam and I could not imagine any other way”. Many imams reflected this same perspective when asked why Muslims come to them for guidance. One imam described it this way : “ “(S)piritual peace is universal, and every human being is looking to satisfy their conscience”. In other words, people want to make sure that they are doing things that are in accordance with Islamic Principles be ca use as Muslims they feel their choices are accountable to God. We are also discovering that where Muslim men and women obtained a divorce through North Ameri ca n courts they often (although by no means always) want an Islamic divorce to achieve a sense of closure. As one participants stated " I still also wanted a divorce in Islam. After all, we got married through an Islamic way, so I had to get a divorce through an Islamic way". This man felt that in order for his divorce to be valid , he needed to divorce his wife Islami ca lly as well as through the Canadian legal system.

In addition to seeking guidance on Islamic Principles, we have also learned that many people take their marital problems to an imam be ca use they fear that the North Ameri ca n court system is unable to respond to their needs and will not be responsive to their Muslim identity. As one participant expressed this, “I went to court, but the judge is not a Muslim and he does not know Allah”

While we are learning that there are a variety of reasons why some Muslims choose an Islamic process for divorce, the most important relate to faith and to cultural identity.

Through the interviews we are learning that culture plays a signifi ca nt role in influencing people's perception and understanding of general principles of Islam in regards to the topic of divorce and in particular a woman rights. Since many women experience oppression in Muslim countries, people often equate this oppression with Islamic principles. This oppression sends the message that women are not given rights in Islam and that is why they are oppressed in these countries. Many of the imams we have interviewed are well aware of this perception. One expressed this as follows : “The phenomenon of oppression of women is a cultural, not a religious artifact” . Like many others, he attributed this misconception to a widespread lack of knowledge about the rights given to women in Islam; he went on to say that” Women are given a lot of rights in Islam, but people are not edu ca ted on them and get influenced by culture”.

Divorce is a good example of this problem of lack of knowledge. For example, , many Muslims do not realize the extent to which women have divorce rights in Islam through the process of “khula”. Some believe that it is only the husband who has the right to divorce his wife through “talaq”. . “Women are sometimes told by their husbands that they ca nnot have divorce and they keep them trapped in the marriage” as one Imam described it. Many of the imams regard this as against the teachings of Islam. Some see an important aspect of their role as an imam to prevent injustice like this from happening. (I think we should leave this quote out here. It needs more context and is not all that representative – this is the “best case”??)

However, we are also learning that there is a range of flexibility and overall tolerance towards divorce – and especially towards women seeking divorce – among the imams. Some are clearly more sympathetic to women in this situation than others. Many women who have sought divorce have sought help from more than one imam before they were able to divorce. The way in which the the imams approach the mechanism of khula is a good indi ca tor of their overall view of divorce, and how liberal or traditional they are. For example, w here the husband has refused to co-operate or participate in meetings to discuss the marriage with the imam, some imams have begun to develop a third procedure where they will annul the marriage (“faskh”) . This is to avoid an unfair situation like the one described above, where a woman is left hanging when her husband refuses to release her when a woman wants to exercise her Islamic right of khula.

The same pragmatism and flexibility that some imams employ in relation to khula is also seen in relation to determinations of the custody of children. We are learning that in practice most imams do not apply the classi ca l Islamic law in which children go to their father or mother depending on their age and sex, but instead look for “the best interests of the child” just like the courts do. Much like the court system “90% of Islam is discretionary”, as one imam told us, and each situation is approached on an individual basis. This is consistent with studies of the appli ca tion of Islamic law in Muslim countries.

Already our research is demonstrating a a need for support groups for divorced Muslims, both men and women. . Firstly there is a need to have a better and more positive model for divorce in the Muslim community. Many women we have interviewed expressed a wish for support groups which would offer a place to meet and talk with others who have gone through similar situations. The existence of support groups for divorced Muslim men and woman could also help to minimize the negative stigma that the topic of divorce ca rries within the community. Woman who feel trapped in their marriage whether it be from abuse or any other reasons may find strength to leave if they know that there are support groups that ca n help them. As one participant told us “ I learned that divorce is not easy (but) if you have no other option then you must do what is right for you”

Over the next year, we hope to encourage more Muslim men and women to share their experiences with us in order for the research to fairly reflect a range of views and stories and accurately describe how the divorce process takes place in Islam. In order to accomplish this goal we are seeking the help members of the Muslim community who may have experiences of their own to share, or who know others who have sought the help of an imam in resolving a marital problem Islami ca lly. We are also interested in speaking to anyone to whom the community turns for advice and assistance in resolving marital conflicts. All those we speak to are treated with the utmost respect, and the information they provide isconfidential andanonymised (that is, anything that identifies a particular narrative with a particular person is removed) for the purposes of the research. We ca n conduct an interview by telephone or we ca n travel to many destinations to conduct interviews face-to-face.

Through the research I hope to assist Dr. Macfarlane to develop data that will help to edu ca te non-Muslims and offer for the first time a picture for Muslims and Non Muslims of how these processes are conducted and why they are important to Muslims. The eventual outcome of the research will be a published book which we hope will have both a Muslim and a non-Muslim audience. We are also hoping that this research will help to shed some light on negative perceptions of Islam, especially in relation to womens rights . One woman told us that this was why she agreed to be interviewed. As she expressed this, “T here are so many misconceptions out there about Islam and there is no reason to hide anything, otherwise people often get the wrong idea. Muslims ca nnot complain then be ca use people don't understand if we don't tell them”. I personally believe that social awareness of Muslim practices through research like this ca n help edu ca te people to much better and more fully understand the lived experiences of Muslim men and woman.